


Linger

by LoveIsGone



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 08:08:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12836913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveIsGone/pseuds/LoveIsGone
Summary: Hoseok’s missing, but they seem to find him everywhere and in everything.





	Linger

**Author's Note:**

> More angst. More brain vomit to help with writer's block.
> 
> Tumblr: loveisgonenomore

The first time Kihyun realized something was wrong was when he woke in the middle of the night to get a glass of water from the kitchen.

He had been in vocal lessons for a good part of the day, trying to schedule in some time now that they had a small break, in-between promotions, and his throat was parched - feeling rawer than it had in a long while. As he made his way back toward his room, already grumbling to himself about Jooheon’s snoring, he paused by the main entrance for a moment when he spotted something out of place from the corner of his eye.

There were multiple sets of shoes at in the doorway, sometimes making it hard to discern which pair belonged to who, but he noticed that a pair of well used trainers were missing from the lineup. He only really took notice because of the fact that they left a gap in the chaotic mess of footwear that bombarded the entrance. He tried to place who they belonged to - tried to recall the colors and failing - only really remembering how worn in they were.

After several moments, he realized the missing shoes belonged to Hoseok.

_Is he out for a run?_ The vocalist wondered as he squinted up at the clock in the hallway, taking note that it was close to 3AM. It wouldn’t be unusual for Hoseok to go out for a jog, in the middle of the night, but something about realizing that one of his members wasn’t home - that he hadn't noticed until then - made a ball of uneasiness start to form in the pit of his stomach.

_It’s fine, he’ll be back soon,_ Kihyun reasoned with himself as he kept on walking, knowing, most likely, that there was nothing to be concerned about at all. The members had strange habits because of their chaotic schedules. He already knew that a late night run was nothing out of the ordinary for Hoseok.

He just had to let it go.

_It's fine._

-

The second time something didn’t feel right was when he heard Hyunwoo stumbling out to the kitchen the following morning, still half asleep and trying to stifle a yawn as he spoke, “Where’s Hoseok?”

Kihyun looked up from the scrambled eggs he had been cooking in the pan, blinking at the older man for several seconds before replying, “Isn’t he in bed?”

“No,” the leader said, scratching the back of his head, eyes still squinted, “It’s not even  made yet.”

“Maybe he headed out early,” Changkyun’s voice joined them as he wandered into the kitchen and began to fill a bowl with rice, “He said he wanted to work on a few things while we’re on break, right?”

“Do you think he'd really go to the studio that early?” Kihyun couldn’t help but feel that coil of anxiety twisting inside of him again, remembering how late it had been when he was up in the middle of the night. And now, it seemed no one could place when Hoseok had left the dorm.

“You think he wouldn’t?” the maknae asked with a look, indicating he already knew what the answer would be.

“I guess…”

Hoseok did have a habit of just going about and doing his own thing when they had the time, going to the gym, booking in vocal lessons, running off to the dance studio, or even just going to his own workspace at the company building. Those were the usual culprits when they couldn't find him with the dorm.

Sometimes, Hoseok would get too caught up in his own self imposed plans to even inform the others of what he was doing. There were times when it made the others worry, but their concerns were eased when they realized they could easily track him down when they needed to. As much as he was a scatterbrain at times, Hoseok was always easily reachable and that was the only thing that seemed to keep Kihyun from panicking at the prospect that he hadn't seen one of his members in almost a day and a half.

Sometimes, their schedules just didn't match up. It was a known fact.

_It's fine._

Kihyun made a mental note to call the company to see if Hoseok had indeed snuck off at the crack of dawn to work on something in the studio – all the while planning to scold the other for not having sufficiently rested despite the fact that they had no schedules lined up at all. Confirmation would absolutely make him feel better about the whole situation, so he resolved to contact one of their managers as soon as possible.

-

The day got away from him and before Kihyun knew it, it was already starting to get late. By the time he got home, several of the others were already settled in, either in bed or just lounging around in the living room. For a moment, the vocalist looked around, a strange feeling churning in his stomach before he realized that he hadn't seen Hoseok all day, _again_.

It was unusual for the other to be gone for so long.

"Is Hoseok home?" Kihyun asked, toeing off his shoes before stepping inside, already glancing around, trying to find his answer.

Something about the way Minhyuk paused, looking up from where he had been situated on the floor in front of the television made the feeling of unease magnify, "We thought he was out with _you_."

"No," Kihyun found himself drawing out the word as he looked around, pulling out his phone as he did so.

With shaky fingers, he dialed Hoseok's number, pressing the device to his ear, so hard he could feel a dull pain begin to develop. _Pick up,_ he silently pleaded. _Pick up, pick up._ At the first ring, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. On the second ring, the familiar sound of Hoseok's ringtone started playing from within the dorm, causing confusion - the members in the living room all looking at one another. The sound of blood rushing in his ears was deafening as Kihyun followed the sound, hand slowly lowering when he realized what was happening.

There, on Hoseok's unmade bed, was his phone, partially covered by the blankets. Kihyun felt lightheaded as the situation started to become clearer and clearer - the others already gathering around him, rapidly asking questions. Unsure of how to fully process the information, he lifted his phone once more, this time dialing for one of their managers.

-

Hoseok was missing.

No one had seen him in the company building, security cameras and front desk reception confirmed it. That meant he wouldn't have been spotted in any of the areas inside, which included the recording and dance studios, as well as the tiny work space that Hoseok called his own.

Kihyun was baffled, not knowing what to do as he and the others sat in the living room, trying to recall when they had last spoken to Hoseok - when they had last seen him around the dorm. No one seemed to be able to rightly recall, only knowing that Hoseok hadn't been seen in, at least, two days.

"Do you think he just wanted to be on his own for a while?" Jooheon's voice was hopeful as he looked around the room, trying to find confirmation with the others that they were thinking the same thing he was, "Maybe he didn't want us to find him."

"He wouldn't do that," Hyungwon said, nervously biting at his thumbnail, "He'd never just leave without letting us know."

_He'd never just leave and not let_ me _know,_ Kihyun thought as he raked a hand through his hair, feeling incredibly grimy and disgusting when he realized he hadn't showered recently, having been too stressed out about the whole situation to even think about his hygiene. He and Hoseok were best friends and Kihyun knew better than anyone else that Hoseok would never allow the others to worry about him.

"What do we do now?" Minhyuk looked around the room, eyes so filled with uncertainty that Hyunwoo pulled the younger man closer by the shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"We wait," the leader answered, looking calmer than the others, but tone giving away just how concerned he was as well, "They'll start reporting it and see if they can find him, but there's nothing else we can do right now."

And as much as Kihyun hated the answer, he knew it was true.

-

Each passing day was torture.

Kihyun hated how at every turn, he felt like he could sense Hoseok despite the fact that the older man wasn't around - not anymore.

Each morning, as the vocalist went around the dorm to wake everyone, he kept on stopping at Hoseok's bed, reaching out only to find air where there should have been a person. He kept thinking there would be a groan of annoyance that would greet him, as Hoseok often liked to sleep in more if he could, but he was met with nothing.

And Kihyun would stand there, blinking dumbly for several moments before remembering.

_Hoseok's missing_ , his brain supplied. _Right._

There were moments when he would find himself about to call for the other to help him, only to stop mid-breath as he remembered again. He would squeeze his eyes shut then, taking deep breaths to keep the tears from falling. He refused to cry - refused to be confronted with the possibility that Hoseok was gone for good.

But it never got easier.

It only seemed to get harder as more time passed.

Kihyun would find random clothes strewn about that belonged to Hoseok, each piece a stark reminder as he placed them back into a drawer that was no longer being touched. The shower gel that Hoseok would borrow without asking, the scent filling his senses as he showered, would conjure up the times he'd chastised the older man for using his things without asking. The room Hyunwoo and Hyungwon now shared together still had the lingering scent of Hoseok's cologne. His unmade bed, not touched since they realized he was missing, was more than enough of a reminder of who was missing.

But even the smallest of things made Kihyun feel like his chest was constricting so tight he couldn't catch his breath. He had been brushing his teeth one morning when he caught sight of Hoseok's unused toothbrush. Just seeing it made him stop what he was doing, hand gripping the edge of the sink so tight his knuckles turned white.

Every reminder hurt and it just did not get easier no matter how many days passed.

-

Days turned into weeks.

Anxiety turned into grief as time kept on passing and passing, every single moment going by with no answers at all as to where Hoseok was.

Kihyun kept staring at his phone, hoping that someone - anyone - would just call him, let him know that Hoseok was safe. Deep in his heart, he still hoped that this was all just a dream, a misunderstanding of some sort. He kept hoping the older man would just show up at the front door, looking sheepish as he tried to explain himself - tell them why he just disappeared without a word.

Kihyun tried to keep his hopes up, tried to be optimistic when the others would approach him. He said encouraging things, tried to smile through it all.

But then, the police found a camera that had been abandoned on one of the hiking trails far outside of town, the casing and lens smashed. It was Hoseok's camera, the one he had been excitedly showing off to Kihyun several days before he disappeared. Hoseok had been like a child with a new toy, beaming with pride. The older man had been going on and on about how, one day, he wanted to be as good as Kihyun was at capturing things - about how they'd have to take that promised bike trip soon so he could be given some pointers as a beginner.

The camera was so damaged, the vocalist only recognized it because of the silly bunny sticker - taken from a gift set a fan had given them - Hoseok had stuck on the underside to mark it as his.

-

"There's no body," Hyungwon said one day.

"Is that supposed to make us feel better?" Kihyun snapped, glaring at the taller man.

"Better than finding one and being certain that he's dead."

"Don't!" Minhyuk shot up from where he was sitting, face reddening with anger, "Don't say shit like that!"

"I'm just telling the truth," the taller singer retorted.

"Maybe we don't want your truth," Minhyuk stormed off after that, leaving the dorm altogether with the slamming of the front door.

Kihyun stared at the spot where the other man had been before looking over at Hyungwon, "Nice going."

Hyungwon only shrugged and walked out of the room at that, leaving Kihyun in the silent aftermath. The singer wondered if this meant that they would have to start thinking about the end of their group.

He hadn't allowed his mind to wander there when it previously came up, feeling like it was betrayal to think that way when they didn't have answers to what had happened to Hoseok.

But time was running out for them.

Months had passed.

If they didn't do something soon, they'd fade from the attention of the world and become nothing more than another faceless boy group that failed to be. Hoseok wouldn't want that for them. Kihyun knew, deep down that it would be the right thing to do if they moved on.

-

They had their first comeback as six with the tragedy of losing Hoseok as their backdrop and Kihyun hated himself a little more as each promotional day passed - hated that they were using their lost friend as a way to push them back into the public eye. He especially hated the way the interviewers would look at them all with sympathy, asking questions about how they were handling things - how they were so strong as to move on from something so terrible.

Fans still held signs for Hoseok during their stages for broadcast and they looked like a field of shining stars through Kihyun's tear blurred vision.

They still left a space for Hoseok in group pictures, refusing to allow anyone forget that they had once been seven.

Though they were six, they still stressed that in their hearts, they were always seven - _always_.

For their first concert without Hoseok, they had a quick memorial at the end, which made Kihyun cry and cry. He could feel the others surround him in that moment, hugging him close, but none of their touches came close to the comfort that Hoseok used to provide him.

It hurt.

And it felt selfish.

It felt like they were using Hoseok.

It hurt so damn much.

-

A year came faster than Kihyun could have imagined, tired out from promotions and traveling. The agency was already working on their next comeback, lining up new songs and developing new storylines for them. Hyunwoo had insisted that they move on from using the tragedy as their motivation, negotiating with their CEO and producers to give them something more upbeat to present.

They couldn't spend the rest of their days crying.

It was exhausting.

And though Kihyun was thankful, he knew that they'd never really be able to move on. Hoseok seemed to be everywhere they looked. His presence seemed to haunt the dorm though they had stored away his belongings months ago.

Sometimes, Kihyun would still catch a familiar scent, whether he was indoors or out, and his mind would reel, immediately going to Hoseok. It caused him to look about frantically, searching for the source. But just as quickly as it would come, it would be gone.

Just like Hoseok, the perfume in the air would disappear, leaving him confused and filled with despair.

He was gone, it had been too long for them to deny - to keep hoping.

But Hoseok still lingered on in their lives and Kihyun didn't know if he was thankful or not for the reminder of someone who had once been so important to him when there was no closure in sight.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I don't hate Wonho.


End file.
